By Kakajan Haytlyyev
I believe that we all at least once have witnessed when someone was put in a situation whereby he or she had to answer a very inappropriate question: “Why you are still not married?” I have witnessed it at least several times. Just by being an unwilling participant of such event already made me feel beyond uncomfortable.
I wonder, why would people be interested in someone else’s private matter? Do these people ask this terrible question because they are simply curious or do not know what else to talk about? Do they ask because they think that they are in a position to give vital advice or aim to humiliate that person?
Although all of the above could very much be the reason, I think that the basis for this type of question is one – simple arrogance. Otherwise how else to explain this phenomenon when people without invitation would force their way into someone’s private life? It is the same as if they would peep through the keyhole.
Having said that, I am also a bit puzzled by the reaction of the “victim”. Somehow a person would nervously try to find appropriate words to explain why he or she still not married. And, of course, due to the very powerful Murphy Law, these words would not come easy.
Eventually, the “victim” in response would say something not very convincing making the already weird situation even more strange. I would assume that their reaction might be a result of widely accepted misperception that everyone shall be married at a certain age.
Instead of trying to find justification why don’t they just say that it is up to them to decide what to do with their life. They should also add something like: “When I meet the right person and when the time is right, then and only then I will consider whether I would want to get married.”
These people who are unfairly targeted shall understand one thing. They are not obliged to justify their single status to anybody, neither morally nor legally.
If someone would ask me a question like that, I would not bother to search for a polite answer. Why would I not? Because any polite answer to the impolite question would be inappropriate. If we want to be understood, we need to speak the same language with our companion.
I wonder what would be the reaction if I would ask them, in response: “Why your sexual intercourse with your husband (or wife) lasts only for two and a half-minute? Is it because you are trying to get through with it as soon as possible as you are obviously disgusted by having sex with him (or her) or because you cannot hold it longer than that?”. Or something like this (please do not try it at home).
But seriously, if we do not want to be bothered with this kind of arrogant questions we shall shoot back the same way. It works because this is the only way for these people to understand that it is not acceptable. And if they will take it personally, even better. It would mean that next time you meet them, they will not ask you anything at all. Isn’t it the better option?